ambuigity in contactmaking...

Almost ready to leave from this first seminar of the Training of Trainers (ToT). Yesterday night waltzing and dancing and suddenly I got a crash in my head.
I felt dealing with lots of emotions and started to think where are they coming from. I think we could relate it to my trainers ambuigity. Making fun together, dancing, talking,... and somehow I felt blocked in being completely open, making real contact with the people.
Thing is that I know that I am able to do that making fun, being crazy,...but somehow I can also be the completely opposite of it. So I started to think if I ever would start doubting to be a trainer it would be because I feel not able to make the contact with the people. When everything is structured and I have all kind of methods, I feel safe, but I realise I can loose myself in the methods and not having completely openess for the process and where the topics are touching me in my person. When I give training people see me as a strong, energetic person that can relativate a lot, but once they look behind the mirror they can see an emotional person with lots of questions about life and being in contact with people.
So this evening I realised that I talked a lot with people, but that I didn't make the real contact. And yes that is the truth you cannot separate your trainer life from your real life, the person who you are. But what if it sometimes happens when both get mixed up????? It won't be the first time in my life that from my position as a trainer, youth worker, social worker I became good friends with one of the youngsters. Sometimes I could deal with it very clear, but most of the times it became a big emotional mess, cause the person is coming to close and her/his view of me as a strong person completely collapses. This mostly happens already in the moment I am completely in it as a person and I feel to connected to the person whishing she/he could accept that. Then I feel this failure of not being proffesional and keeping distance, but on the other hand I don't believe in strong borders due to the position we have. We are all human beings learning!!
So this the ambuigity I am dealing with me inside. Will I make the real contact and take the risk it will open some bottles that can be scarey for people or will I keep distance and be the cool person that everytime answers "everything is ok"???
And the next question is will I be able to learn this healthy balance and be in contact with co-trainers or participants to be a good trainer? Not to much distance and not to emotional overwelming?

This is more or less what is coming up in my mind, what is flashing around since yesterday. It is not yet all clear. Well, I could give a clear view how I think it should be, but nevertheless I am a human being with emotions inside. :)

Any comments... more the welcome...

And so my working point of the last half year in the trainings is too make contact with participants also in informal moments. I still need to do this in a conscious way, but I am learning.