ambuigity in contactmaking...

Almost ready to leave from this first seminar of the Training of Trainers (ToT). Yesterday night waltzing and dancing and suddenly I got a crash in my head.
I felt dealing with lots of emotions and started to think where are they coming from. I think we could relate it to my trainers ambuigity. Making fun together, dancing, talking,... and somehow I felt blocked in being completely open, making real contact with the people.
Thing is that I know that I am able to do that making fun, being crazy,...but somehow I can also be the completely opposite of it. So I started to think if I ever would start doubting to be a trainer it would be because I feel not able to make the contact with the people. When everything is structured and I have all kind of methods, I feel safe, but I realise I can loose myself in the methods and not having completely openess for the process and where the topics are touching me in my person. When I give training people see me as a strong, energetic person that can relativate a lot, but once they look behind the mirror they can see an emotional person with lots of questions about life and being in contact with people.
So this evening I realised that I talked a lot with people, but that I didn't make the real contact. And yes that is the truth you cannot separate your trainer life from your real life, the person who you are. But what if it sometimes happens when both get mixed up????? It won't be the first time in my life that from my position as a trainer, youth worker, social worker I became good friends with one of the youngsters. Sometimes I could deal with it very clear, but most of the times it became a big emotional mess, cause the person is coming to close and her/his view of me as a strong person completely collapses. This mostly happens already in the moment I am completely in it as a person and I feel to connected to the person whishing she/he could accept that. Then I feel this failure of not being proffesional and keeping distance, but on the other hand I don't believe in strong borders due to the position we have. We are all human beings learning!!
So this the ambuigity I am dealing with me inside. Will I make the real contact and take the risk it will open some bottles that can be scarey for people or will I keep distance and be the cool person that everytime answers "everything is ok"???
And the next question is will I be able to learn this healthy balance and be in contact with co-trainers or participants to be a good trainer? Not to much distance and not to emotional overwelming?

This is more or less what is coming up in my mind, what is flashing around since yesterday. It is not yet all clear. Well, I could give a clear view how I think it should be, but nevertheless I am a human being with emotions inside. :)

Any comments... more the welcome...

And so my working point of the last half year in the trainings is too make contact with participants also in informal moments. I still need to do this in a conscious way, but I am learning.

Learning objectives

I decided to leave the learning process of using the blog as just a part in between the learning of this training. It still needs some time tofind out where to place what.



After filling in all this SPI's, reading out the competences, getting into some reflections,... I came to the following personal objectives:



Getting more active in using different kind of methods/tools to use in trainings

- by exchanging with others

- by experiencing

- by doing in a training

- by searching actively for new methods (inspiration): There is so much, for example on the toolbox, but I am to lazy to go into it to find some things that are usefull to me.



The things I will have to battle with are my lazyness to search. "Why putting energy in searching new things if it works well the way it goes?"

Facilitating groups and personal learning of others
Verbalize what I see/feel that is happening towards people/the group, putting the right questions to araise awareness. Sometimes my proces from getting what I feel and of it is needed to put in the group is so slow, that I miss the point or the opportunity to bring it in.
When is it appropriate to bring in your own awareness as a trainer and how much will you influence the group of the learner?
How much is it needed to give structured, methodolgical space for individus/groups to refelct, to learn or leave the free space? guiding (giving a structure/method) versus non-guiding (letting the initiative from the learner)

At the moment I can leave things happening without interfearing, cause I have this believe what the group doesn't bring up themselves is not yet on the right time. Group is not yet ready. although I am now in conflict with this, cause sometimes they don't know another way and bringing your point of view can open a new way for them.

In the mentoring I also would like to go more into daring to do that what my heart (intuition) gives in and do it, instead of following the way it should be. I see afterwards that this gives me more satisfaction instead of staying to the way people have in mind.

Contactmaking peer to peer - in informal moments
As a person I can be a lot on my own and spend time thinking, reflecting, creating without others. I dissapear in my own world. I need this especially after working a lot in groups or working with people and groups, wich is 75% of my time (job, volunteering,...)
Even though as a trainer I believe I need to open myself more for informal talks and conversations. I am an open person if someone starts talking to me, but I have no skills in opening a conversation or maintaining it. It get easily distracted.
Somehow I would like to get conscious about what is scaring me to get into contact. Although I know a bit. So it would be better to experience and go into the action: open myself, show interest in others, question others, talk about my thoughts

Continuing on the mentoring it would be good also to share my thoughts or the way i feel it needs to go, even when I don't have a clear explanation for it. It can help me to go that way, without bruscate people.

Believes I have myself and would like to relativate:

"I have to be able to explain what/Why I do something, before I do or share it with others."
" I need to be an expert in showing topic, otherwise people don't take it as a value."

Learning to learn: putting my own framework by reflection to feel strong enough to give this to people, cause I believe in this.
Learning assesment, how do you make visible what you learnt. How I can help volunteers, youngsters to feel comfortable in this assesment and use it as a tool towards self confidence and active learning.

My focus will as a trainer will also be on youngsters with fewer opportunities, especially school drop outs, social problems, lack of self confidence,...

So this is what I want to learn and how it will process you can follow on the blog.

getting into bloglearning

So here is my first learning proces, being patient with this PC and making my own blog, finding out all this different profiles, possibilities, making choices what I should publish or not,...

So the proces started here and hope I will get it in a nice structured way. :)
So the writing can start. That won't be the biggest problem.